Death, Seizures, Anxiety and Absolute Weakness

Death

Pretty gloomy title, right?  Even gloomier when you're the one going through it all at once.  Yup, that was pretty much my life at the beginning of the summer.  I remember back in June how I was so looking forward to an amazing summer with my family and friends.  All that changed on June 20th when I got the call that my dad had a heart attack and was unresponsive.  The paramedics managed to revive him though he remained unconscious.  Less then a week later, on June 26th he passed away.

Umberto DiCristo
September 30, 1939 - June 26, 2013

I had experienced death before after losing my grandparents, aunts and uncles but losing someone really close was so much harder than I ever imagined.  Not going to lie, I was a mess.  My stomach was in knots, I couldn't sleep and sometimes it felt like my heart was beating outside of my chest.  In short, I was dealing with some anxiety.  I stopped drinking coffee because I wanted to remove anything that would possibly exasperate the anxiety and to my surprise after a few days I felt so much better.  I also spent much time in prayer and asked God for forgiveness when I became overwhelmed by fear and anxiety, remembering the scripture "be anxious for nothing".

Seizures

Prior to my dad's passing, we had planned a camping trip with friends up north which just so happened was the weekend after my dad passed away.  We were going to cancel but then thought this might actually be a good time to get away with the kids and have a little break after spending day after day at the hospital.

It was a great idea until our last night camping.  My husband Angelo, had a seizure.  For those of you who don't know, my husband has epilepsy.  He had his very first grand mal seizure on July 1st, 2009.  As we settled in for bed on July 1, 2013, I never imagined that shortly after midnight we would end up in a hospital.  Angelo is taking medication for his seizures so thankfully they do not occur frequently.  I have experienced a great deal of anxiety with his previous seizures but this time it was much worse.  I began to panic a little, mostly because we were not home and I could barely remember where we were staying as I called 911.  Thankfully we had friends who stayed with our kids while I tagged along in the ambulance with Angelo.

Absolute Weakness

It's now the morning of July 2nd, after spending the whole night without sleep in a hospital, we now have to get home and get ready for my dad's wake that evening in Toronto and of course the following day is the funeral.  Yes you guessed it, the anxiety came back full force.  In fact, while we were at the hospital I asked if I could get checked in because I really felt weak and did not think I had enough physical, emotional or spiritual strength to make it through the next two days.  I basically wanted the doctor to give me something for the anxiety and to help me sleep.  I ended up not taking anything because the nurse said I would sleep for days if I was not used to taking that type of medicine.  Not sure if she was joking but it freaked me out enough that I never ended up taking anything.  We finally get home and Angelo heads straight for bed but I could not sleep.  There was no time.  I still had a list of things that HAD to get done before the wake and the funeral.  I broke down several times alone in my washroom.  I cried out to God....Lord I don't think I can do this....how can I do this....you're asking too much of me....I'm not that strong.  I have never experienced such pain and weakness ever and in my absolute weakness I had no choice but to lean on the only one who could carry me through this.  There is no better place to turn to than the Psalms in scripture for comfort.  I so desperately needed the comfort of my Lord that day.  I meditated on Psalm 23.  I cried, I prayed, I begged God to help me through and I finally picked myself up and by God's grace made it through the wake and the funeral. 

Anxiety

Two weeks after the funeral, after the seizure, after the dust settled, I find that I am still struggling.  Why am I still struggling?  Why do I still feel weak?  The funny thing is that my husband and I are part of the counseling ministry in our church.  We have helped people walk through struggles with anxiety.  I felt like I was doing all the things I have counseled people to do yet the anxiety remained.  I have access to tons of resources for the counselling ministry so I went online and listened to a message from Elyse Fitpatrick entitled Steadfast Heart: Experiencing God's Comfort in Life's Storms.  Here it is if you're interested in listening to it:

http://www.ibcd.org/resources/messages/steadfast-heart-experiencing-gods-comfort-in-lifes-storms/

Elyse pointed out two things in the message,  1 - What are you learning through the suffering?  and  2 - What have you forgotten about God?  I started to think about the second question and realized that my trust in God was weakened.  It was easy to trust God when things were going great but now it was getting harder.  My favourite verses in scripture have always been Proverbs 3:5-6.  I even have it as my signature on my email. 

BUT GOD was teaching me something new about His character and also about my character and my faith.  He was and is teaching me to trust Him more and more each day.  It's certainly no coincidence that God impressed those verses on me years ago.

"It isn't always easy to trust God.  But when we understand why He can be trusted it helps us cling to Him, despite the adversity that threatens to overwhelm us."  This is a quote from a mini book entitled 'You Can Trust God' by Jerry Bridges.  It was yet another resource God used to help me through this difficult time.

What I realized was that I was spending more time thinking about and focusing on the anxiety and trying to get rid of it instead of leaning on and abiding in Christ.  I became sin focused instead of Christ focused.  Again this is something we teach our counselees and I had forgotten this basic simple principle.  We even have a hand out we sometimes use to give people a better visual.  Here it is:

Finally, one night I was reading my bible before bed and was feeling a little anxious so I turned to my 'go to' passage in scripture, 1 Peter 5:6-7.  "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on  him, because he cares for you."  I love these verses but this night I decided to read on and although I have read these passages before on this night they meant something more.  1 Peter 5:10-11  "And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.  To him be the dominion forever and ever.  Amen"  This is when I had my 'aha' moment.  After you have suffered a little while.....I don't know how long this little while was going to last but that night I firmly resolved to keep myself focused on Christ no matter how great the suffering, now matter how long, no matter how hard knowing that one day he will restore, confirm, strengthen and establish me!  That indeed deserves a great big AMEN!

So after weeks of struggling and suffering, I can now say that the anxiety has subsided.  Will it come back?  Maybe.  But that's okay, because it reminds me how much I truly need Jesus in my life.  What a blessing it is to have the opportunity to grow and to trust him more each day!

Fear not, for I am with you;

be not dismayed, for I am your God;

I will strengthen you, I will help you,

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

Do You Suffer From Log-Speck Syndrome?

The Problem

So what exactly is log-speck syndrome?  It's a term I came up with jokingly to describe a condition we all suffer from.  Of course I totally stole it from one of Jesus' teachings from the sermon on the mount message in the book of Matthew.  Jesus is brilliant!  His analogy regarding the log and speck is so perfect and it really does apply to us all!  Check out these verses:

Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?  Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when there is the log in your own eye?  You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.  Matthew 7:3-5

Don't you love how the little cartoon above just really drives the point home even further.  Our natural tendency is to minimize our own sin and maximize the sin of others.   How often are we quick to notice the flaws and shortcomings of those around us like our spouse, our children, our parents, friends, co-workers...the list is endless!  I think it's just so hard for us to evaluate ourselves and even harder to admit when we're wrong.   Let's face it we all have blind spots.  And we all need people in our lives that love us and love Jesus that will help us to see our blind spots clearly.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself to see if you too suffer from the log-speck syndrome:

1.  Do you find it easy to point out the flaws in others?  
2.  Do the sins of others seem so much bigger than your own?  
3.  Are you quick to write-off people that hurt you and/or have sinned against you?  
4.  How would those closest to you describe you....more grace filled or are you more critical?
5.  Is it hard for you to forgive?

Let me share how this log-speck syndrome affected me.  I'm going to be very transparent here so I'm warning you it's not pretty.   But this is where my heart was at.  Here it goes:

I had people under the microscope with respect to their salvation, their walk.  Often saying things like, "if they were saved, I don't think they would act like that......".  

I would scrutinize pretty much every sermon I heard, at church, on line or on the radio, constantly looking for the flaws in the sermon, the errors in the message.  Don't get me wrong, I think we need to be diligent and on guard for false teachers.  We do not want to be led astray.  However for me personally, it had gone too far.  I would so easily write-off a pastor whose beliefs did not line up with mine exactly.  

I struggled with watching other people at church appear so weak in their walk, thinking  what is wrong with them....do they not know that Christ lives in them?  I had little patience for believers that struggled with addictions, depression, bad marriages, etc. 

I homeschool my children and of course believed that any other form of schooling was just not acceptable....in fact how could any good Christian send their child to a public school?

I expected my kids to live up to a standard that I had created in mind that functioned as a more legalistic, works-based home than a loving, grace-filled, God honouring home.

I told you it was not pretty.  And of course I could probably go on and on but I think you get the idea of where my heart was at.  I basically had an overly critical spirit that affected all areas of my life.  But then about a year or two ago, God broke me....thankfully!  

The Solution

So do you agree with me?  Do you think we can safely say that log-speck syndrome affects us all in one way or another?  If it's true then what do we do about it?  First we need to have a right view of sin.  Sin, no matter how big or small separates us from God.  It's the reason we need a Saviour!

As I was reflecting on these log-speck verses I couldn't help but think of Paul's words spoken in his letter to Timothy. 

1 Timothy 1:15 The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost.

The apostle Paul, one of my favourite heroes in the Bible calls himself not only a sinner but of the foremost of sinners!  Really?  How can this be?  Why would this apostle, church planter, leader of all leaders in the first century church risk calling himself the 'foremost of sinners'.  Clearly he was not concerned with his reputation.  I mean can you imagine what other believers would say about Paul?  What is it that Paul believed or understood that allowed him the freedom to make this statement?  Paul understood first and foremost that he was a sinner in need of grace, in need of a Saviour!  

Paul understood sin and grace in a way that I never really did.  God has been teaching me so much about grace these past couple of years.  He's allowed me to see my sin in a whole new light and helped me to realize how much I desperately need a Saviour.  Like Paul, I too can now say 'I am the foremost of sinners'.  I honestly would not have been able to say that a few years ago.  I was so blind by my own sin and so intrigued by the sin of others.

I would like to just add here that I am not saying sin is okay or that we are to ignore sin in our lives or the lives of fellow believers.  But I am saying that before we start pointing out the flaws of others, we better have our motives in check and make sure that we do not elevate ourselves above anyone else as if we have arrived.  

The whole irony of this for me personally is the journey God has placed before us.  My husband is in the process of becoming a Biblical Counselor and we both spend a lot of our time coming alongside those hurting or struggling people in the Church....you know some of the ones I mentioned above.  I always had a heart to help and serve but was very ineffective until God broke me.  I am so thankful that God is not finished with me yet and he continues to reveal areas of sin in my life that remind me how much I need Him!  I'm done with judging others and comparing them to me!  I'm now on the 'Jesus is the standard program' and we ALL fall short of the glory of God so how about we focus more on loving and encouraging one another just like Hebrews 3:13 says:

But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called "Today," so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.  Hebrews 3:13

A book that helped me tremendously was Paul Tripp's Instruments In the Redeemer's Hands.  I highly recommend reading it.  The subtitle of the books sums it up, "People in Need of Change Helping People in Need of Change"!  I needed that constant reminder that I am still a sinner in need of grace and in need of change.  This one little sentence from the book says it all:

"No one is more ready to communicate God's grace than someone who has faced his own desperate need for it."  Paul Tripp from Instruments In The Redeemer's Hands

If I may add to what Paul Tripp is saying, it's okay to take the speck out of your brother's eye, just please, please, please remember to deal with the log that's stuck in your own eye first!  That's coming from a gal who had a log stuck in her eye way too long without ever noticing it!

No More Store Bought Meatballs

It's recipe time again!  Today's feature...the Italian meatball.

Can I just say how difficult it is for me to put a real recipe together, like the kind you find in a cookbook but I am trying.  The only time I use measuring cups or spoons is when I'm baking and am forced to be exact.  So please feel free to play around with ingredients or with the measurements to suit your own taste buds.

This recipe is pretty much exactly how my mom makes meatballs and how her mom made meatballs.  Let's begin with a list of ingredients:

1 lb of ground beef
1 egg
1/2 cup dry bread crumbs
1 or 2 slices of slices of bread
1/4 cup parmesan or romano grated cheese
1/4 tsp sea salt
1 tsp dry parsley
1/2 tsp onion powder
1/2 tsp garlic powder
2 tbs water
some fresh ground black pepper

Place the ground beef in a bowl.

In another small dish crumble up the two slices of bread and add the 2 tbs of water or maybe a little more if necessary until it looks something like the photo below.  Then add this mixture to the ground beef.

Add the remaining ingredients to the ground beef.

Now its time to roll up your sleeves and get your hands dirty!  Get in there and mix it all up together.  It will end up looking like the photo below.

Okay now you're ready to shape your meatballs.  Any size will do, just be sure to keep the size consistent.  Personally I prefer the mini meatballs.  I also prefer to bake instead of fry.  I simply place some parchment paper on a cookie sheet and bake the meatballs at 400F for about 20 minutes or so.

Every oven is different and mine is a convection oven so the cooking time may vary.  You really do not have to bake them fully since they will continue to cook through in the sauce.  However my family likes to eat the non-sauce version of meatballs so I like to make sure they are fully cooked (as in the second photo).

This may be a big batch for some people so at this point you can let the meatballs cool and freeze them.  When you are ready to cook them, pop them out of the freezer and straight into some sauce and let simmer for at least an hour....the longer you cook your sauce the more flavour it will have the more tender your meatballs will be.

I don't have a sauce recipe for you here but will try to add one soon.  You can add the meatballs to your favourite tomato sauce recipe or to your favourite store bought ragu.

Not the greatest photo but here is the final product.  Enjoy!  Please leave comments letting me know how your meatballs turned out.

How Jesus Changed My Life - Part 2

Change Again?

We continued on as devout Catholics throughout our marriage and made every effort to raise our children to know and love the Lord.  In 2003 we moved from Woodbridge to a small town north of the City called Beeton.  After living there for a year we met a lovely family across the street who also homeschooled their five children.  When we first met, I asked if they were Catholic and they responded no, we're born again believers.  I immediately thought, oh no....not those people....they're whacky.  But this family seemed nice and so I proceeded to ask what exactly does it mean to be a born again believer.  My neighbour, always ready with scripture opened her Bible and showed me the reference from John 3:3 "Jesus answered him, "Trully, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God."  She then went on to explain the passage.  I was fascinated.  She seemed so wise in her understanding of scripture.

Needless to say we became very close with our new "born again" friends and our difference in beliefs did not hinder the relationship.  My husband and I were always fascinated by the evangelical preachers on the radio and on television.  We thoroughly enjoyed the expository teaching of scripture that seemed to be missing at the Catholic churches we attended.  Angelo and I were at a place in our life that we wanted more, we needed to be fed some meat.  Thankfully, God provided us with mature believers (our neighbours) to help guide us along the way.  Our friends never really challenged or put down our beliefs but they certainly encouraged us to read and study scripture for ourselves.  I had never really studied scripture before.  So I began with the book of Matthew and worked my way through to Revelation.  It was during this time that God was changing me again (and Angelo too).  It was like the Bible came alive and was speaking directly to my heart.

I want to quickly add here that our neighbours truly lived out 1 Peter 3:15, "but in your hearts honour Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect".   As we began to study scripture, you can imagine we had tons of questions and were often confused.  Our neighbours were always prepared to give an answer and they did it with gentleness and respect, even if it meant that it would challenge our Catholic beliefs.  Their love for God's word and His truth was something I had never seen before.  They had so many study resources, apologetics material, etc. that God used in a mighty way in our lives.   We should all live out 1 Peter 3:15!

Not Just Another Sunday School Lesson

Moving along then......God was working on our hearts!  Through the study of scripture, the help of good mature believers and by using several other people and circumstances in our life, God was making it very clear we needed to move on.  Angelo and I both felt heavily convicted that our Catholic journey was coming to an end.  But how could we leave?  Is this really what God wanted from us?  What would our families think?  What would our children think?  We had a solution!  Catholics have a Saturday evening mass at 5:00 p.m.  We could attend that Saturday mass and then attend a Sunday service at an evangelical church.  What a fantastic plan!  Not!  That fantastic plan lasted only about 2 or 3 weeks.  We started attending a local evangelical church service in Beeton while still continuing to attend mass on Saturdays.   Our children experienced Sunday school for the first time and loved it!  They actually loved going to Church!  They kept asking when were we going to go back to "that" church.  Well that very same Sunday school was instrumental in our final decision.  The next week or so, after Sunday service, my first born Alessia told me about what she had learned in Sunday school.  The lesson was on Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego and the fiery furnace.  Of course I had never read this story in the Old Testament before and did not have a clue what it was about.  She explained it to me in detail and then I read her take home page from Church.  Here is a quick summary of this passage I found online from the about.com website if you are not familiar with it:

As was common at the time, King Nebuchadnezzar built a huge golden image and commanded all the people to fall down and worship it whenever they heard the sound of his musical herald. Anyone who failed to bow and worship the image would be thrown into an immense, blazing furnace.

Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were determined to worship the One true God only, and thus were reported to the king.  Courageously they stood before him as the kind pressured the men to deny their God.  They said, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter.  If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up."  (Daniel 3:16-18, ESV)

My very smart child then asked, mommy why do we have statues in our home when the Bible says we are not to bow down to statues.  Alessia was old enough to know a lot about our Catholic traditions.  We had huge statues in our home and even a mini altar complete with candles and incense.  And we often bowed down in front of the statues and prayed.  My daughter was confused.  All I could say to her was, "that's a good question - let me talk to daddy about that".  Angelo and I decided that very day that we would not confuse our children this way.  We had to make a decision once and for all.  This was probably one of the toughest decisions we have ever had to make.  To deny the very essence of our faith, culture and upbringing, the only faith we had ever known.  So many people often say what's the difference between Catholics and other Christian denominations.  We all believe in Jesus and the Bible and God, etc.  All I can say is that there is a very big difference and over the period of one year, God revealed those differences to us through His word.  We were caught up in traditions and rituals and as much as I loved God as a Catholic I still often felt like He was distant.  Reading scripture taught me that God loves me, though I am an unworthy sinner He longs to be in relationship with me through His son Jesus Christ.  Halleluiah!  This is what I had truly longed for and now I had it....an intimate relationship with the Creator of the Universe!

So this is how Jesus changed my life for a second time.  Of course there is also a third and fourth and fifth time.....He is constantly renewing my mind and transforming me from the inside out.  I praise God for sanctification!  1 Thessalonians 4:3a "For this is the will of God, your sanctification." 

My prayer is that you would seek God with all your heart and that He would reveal Himself to you in a very real and magnificent way for His glory alone.  He is so worthy!

Amen  
 

Sauce Making Season

Yes that's right, it's sauce making season!  The best season of all.

As a child I loved the time we spent together as a family helping to preserve those tomatoes so we can have fresh tasting sauce all year long.  And now, I can share this family tradition with my children.

These photos show how we work hard one day taking raw tomatoes and turning them into delicious sauce.

These tomatoes have been boiled until they are soft enough to get crushed.

This tomato grinder costs over $300.00 but is worth every penny!

Here we have the chopped onions, garlic, red peppers & fresh basil sauteing in some olive oil. 

Constantly stirring the sauce so it does not burn.

The jarring process.

Voila!  Homemade sauce in a jar!

Now you may not want to go out and buy all this expensive equipment for yourself but you might be interested in trying to make a small batch of homemade sauce.

Here are the ingredients I use to make my sauce whether its a small batch or enough for the whole year:

              Olive oil
              Fresh Roma Tomatoes
              Red Sheppard Peppers
              Onions
              Garlic
              Fresh Basil
              Sea Salt

I simply chop the onions, garlic, red peppers and fresh basil in my food processor and then sautee them in some olive oil.  Once these fresh ingredients have become softened and translucent then its time to add the freshly pureed tomatoes.

Chances are you do not own a tomato grinder.  The tomato grinder in the above picture purees the tomatoes and spits out the tomato skins.  What you can do instead is boil the raw tomatoes and quickly place them in ice water to remove the skins and then proceed to blend them in a blender or food processor.  If that's too much work for you then you can purchase canned or jarred raw tomatoes from your local grocery store.  If you decide to go for the canned tomatoes be sure to purchase either diced or whole plum tomatoes.  I have tried using the canned crushed tomatoes in the past and have not been happy with the taste of the sauce.

Okay so you've added the tomato puree and now all that is left to do is add some sea salt.  Let it simmer for at least one hour.  If you plan on making a large batch using fresh tomatoes and want to jar the sauce, here is what we do.  While the sauce is still simmering on the stove start pouring it into the mason jars, tighten lid on and then place the jar upside down.  Don't ask me why we do this.  I'm just following the instructions that were handed down to me.  The heat then causes the rubber in the lid to form a seal and you can store this sauce in your pantry for a long time.

This is a very simple sauce and you can add many more spices if you like.  Some people like to add oregano, black pepper, cayenne, bay leaves, etc.  Feel free to experiment as you wish and come up with your own sauce recipe!

  

How Jesus Changed My Life - Part 1

I am a Christ follower.  That can sometimes be the hardest thing to say especially around certain people.  I don't want to be a shy timid Christian that keeps Jesus hidden in a closet and I don't want to be a Bible thumping 'you're all going to hell' Christian either.  I want my life to reflect Jesus.  Even though at times I fail miserably, my desire is that people would see less of me and more of Him.  I remember attending one of my very first Bible studies and coming across this passage and feeling so passionate and excited about it.  Matthew 5:16 reads,  "In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven."  I can still remember how I felt when I first heard that verse.  Really?  I can be a light and others could possibly notice and give glory to God because of it!  WOW!  Talk about motivation!  The verse still gets me pumped today.

I just love sharing my testimony with others and I hope you feel the same way.  May I encourage you to write out your story and keep it in your purse or wallet so that at any time, you can pull it out and share it with someone, that God may be glorified!

So here is a fairly lengthy version of my story from the very beginning.

The Beginning

I was born in Toronto and am one of four children.  I have three brothers, two older and one younger.  I was raised in a non-practicing Catholic home.  You know the kind that only goes to church for special occasions.   Both my parents were born in Italy, so we were raised in a very strong Italian culture.  I went to Catholic school from JK right up to grade 13.  As a young child I loved to pray and I remember really believing in God and wanting to go to church.  My mom worked for a sweet Christian lady who gave us a cute picture Bible for children and I read that little book all the time as a little girl.  I still own it today.

By the time I started high school that child-like faith began to fade.  In my teen years a friend of mine from school encouraged me to start going to church again and I did.  That lasted about 2 or 3 years and I really enjoyed going back to Church.  In my late teens and early twenties, I went through a phase of questioning God and His existence.  I started thinking about all the other religions out there and had even more questions.  I eventually renounced my Catholic faith, stopped going to Church and was open to pretty much anything.  I was definitely more into the new age philosophies and beliefs.  Slowly my morals and standards I had upheld for my life began to crumble.  "Who's to say what's right and wrong....as long it works for you and you're happy, then it's okay....as long as you're not hurting anyone."  That's what I believed and that's how I lived.  I enjoyed this new way of living.  It made sense to me and was so much better than following a bunch of ridiculous religious rules that I found impossible to keep.

The Change

I never ended up going to College or University.  Instead I got a job working for a lawyer and I later became a legal secretary.  I had taken on a second job working at a sports bar to help pay off my credit card bills.  I guess you could say I was a somewhat typical young adult.  Throughout the years my family went through a fair amount of struggles.  My parents had a rough marriage and always struggled financially.  One of  my brothers became heavily addicted to drugs and ended up having to go away to the States for rehab.  My other brother ended up in jail twice and you can only imagine how all this and more affected my family.  It was during this very hard time that my mom finally started going to Church again and she really leaned on her faith to help her get through this dark valley.  I can honestly say that my mom remained strong during this time and it was truly evident that her faith had made her strong. I was happy that she had found a way to cope with the suffering she had gone through but of course that was still not for me!  

When I was 23 years old my family decided to take a trip to Venezuela.  A whole bunch of us went, including aunts, uncles and cousins and we had a great time.  We met this poor fisherman who talked so much about God in a way I had never heard before.  He had such strong convictions and a strong faith and was so full of joy for someone who had nothing.  I think God used him to plant a tiny seed in my heart to prepare me for something more.  Well a few months had passed and my mom had started attending a Catholic prayer group with my uncle.  She pleaded with me to come over and over again almost to the point of nagging.  Her persistence paid off because I finally gave in but only to get her off my back.  In my mind, I would have to sacrifice this one night, tell her how much I hated it and then I would never have to hear about it again.  That was my mindset going in.

 But God...

But God had other plans.  I was shocked to see this tiny home packed with so many people.  The evening began with singing some hymns and then praying the rosary (something I had never done before).  The whole time I was on my knees (almost two hours).  As we sung and prayed, I could not stop crying.  I don't even know what I was crying about.  But I was broken and humbled and felt a guilt and conviction that I had never felt before.  It was like I was kneeling in the very presence of God.  For the first time in my life I became aware of God's power, presence and existence in a way I never had before!  And when it was over I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.  I can't even explain to you in words what I experienced that night.  When we left, I got in the car and lit my cigarette (yes hard to believe but I was a smoker - almost a pack a day).  I felt heavily convicted about smoking and the first drag of that cigarette kinda felt weird so I immediately tossed it out the window and never looked back.  I had tried many, many, many times to quit smoking but had never succeeded and in one night, without even any effort on my part, God took my desire for smoking away!  A miracle indeed!  The other instant miracle was God taming my tongue to never utter another swear word again!  Needless to the say the transformation continued on and it wasn't about me following a bunch of religious rules.  It was about me having an encounter with the God of the universe and being forever changed by it.  I loved my new life and my new relationship with Him.

So this little prayer group in Scarborough met 7 nights a week.  They never took a break.  I quickly jumped in on that band wagon and I too never missed a night.  Of course that came with a cost.  I know that did not go well for some friends and family and in hindsight I wish I had not neglected them in that way.  As the days and weeks passed I just grew more in love with my Saviour and wished I could just pray and worship all day long.  As much as I loved my new found faith and life with God, I still had a strong longing to be married and start a family.  I was not dating anyone at the time and I remember thinking to myself how hard it was going to be for me to find someone to date now.  How on earth would I be able to find a man who loved the Lord as much as I did and wanted to live a life pursuing Him?  I was almost 24 and as they say my clock was ticking.  But God of course had other plans.  Guess who also attended that very same prayer group.....you guessed it, my wonderful husband, Angelo.  Mind you, I was almost 24 and he was only 18.  Over the next few months, Angelo and I became really good friends.  I was amazed to see how mature this 18 year old was.  I had dated men much older than him that showed far less maturity.  Well exactly 3 years after we met, we were married and as scripture says, "a threefold cord is not quickly broken". God has been entwined in our marriage from day one and after 15 years the cord remains as strong as ever.  If there are any single ladies reading this, may I encourage you to wait on God to provide a man who truly loves the Lord.  I heard an amazing quote once. "A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him first to find her."   

Well, this is not how the story ends.  Obviously since I titled this blog part 1, there most definitely must be a part 2.  Stay tuned.

To blog or not to blog.....

I have been contemplating starting a blog for the past year or more and have finally caved in to the world of blogging.  I'm not a writer and my life is really not that interesting so I'm curious to see how this all turns out.  A few people have suggested I start a blog for different reasons so I thought I would include all of them here.....FAITH, FAMILY, FUN & FOOD....what else is there really?

My Faith

I will dedicate an entire post to share my testimony but for now all I can say is that Jesus grabbed a hold of my heart at the age of 23.  I was your typical single young lady working full-time as a law clerk and part-time as a waitress in a sports bar.  Life was pretty good.  I was raised in a non-practicing Catholic home and by the time I finished high school, I felt there was more to life than my Catholic roots.  I pretty much rejected what little faith I had as a child.  In my 20's I determined I had life figured out and I had no need for religion or God.  God had a different plan for me and he literally turned my life upside down in the blink of an eye!  From the age of 23 until now, God has been the centre of my life!  I hope to share my journey of faith through this blog.

My Family

God blessed me with the most amazing husband and four wonderful children.  Alessia is now 13, Francesco is 12, Leanna is 8 and Paolo is 6.

We decided to homeschool our children early on for various reasons.  We certainly appreciate that homeschooling is not for everyone but it does seem to work for our family. 

My husband went from owning his own business to going into full-time ministry.  Currently he is working part-time and studying to become a biblical counselor.  One day I'll blog about that journey!

Fun

We certainly have been enjoying this great summer, bike riding, swimming, picnics, etc.  My youngest, Paolo just learned how to ride his bike on two wheels!  We're so proud of him and he is so excited about this new milestone!

My kids recently attended our Church VBS and had so much fun!  The two older ones and I served as leaders and the two younger ones enjoyed the VBS.  All in all it a was an amazing week for all of us!

My kids love to pass time making their own costumes.  They are very creative!  I hope to share more of our family fun in the coming weeks and months.  

Food

Throughout the years many people have asked me to write a cookbook or teach cooking classes.  I'm really not that great a cook but I was raised in an Italian home with tons of great recipes handed down so I will definitely be sharing those recipes and more on this blog.  I recently attempted to make my very own deep dish chicago-style pizza.  It was so fun and easy to make!

So that's basically a little introduction to what I will be blogging about and I pray that this will be a blessing and encouragement to many.  I think it's gonna be fun!